December 16, 2008

Being a Puppet to the Past

I was 3 yrs old in Rangoon, Burma. I attended a small preschool which was above an auto body shop. One day, class was dismissed and all the children were picked up by their parents except for me. The teacher finished up her work soon after all the other kids left and started to pack up to leave. A cleaning lady came in to sweep up after us. The teacher left me after reassuring me that she's sure someone will be here to pick me up soon. I waited at the top of the staircase listening to the noise from the auto body shop downstairs, periodically looking back at the cleaning lady to make sure she was still there. The auto body shop below seemed like a different universe and I felt so alone in my world. Finally the cleaning lady finished and packed up her stuff to go. I started crying at the top of the stairs. Right then, my uncle came running up the stairs two steps at a time -- swept me up by the legs and ran down just as quickly. Dumped me into the basket of his bicycle and off we went.

When I was 4 yrs old, my sister, who was one yr older then me, was taken to the hospital in the middle of the night where she passed away. All I remember was waking up in the middle of the night and she was missing from the bed never to return to me.

I came to this country at the age of 5 and was entered into 1st grade immediately. By the 3rd grade, I made myself a best friend named Margaret Orlinksi. We were inseparable. At the end of the school year, she moved away to upstate NY and I never saw her again. Her father had to relocate for a new job. I didn't understand it.

Each of these turns of events along with subsequent ones like the passing of my loving boyfriend 3 yrs ago embedded in me a fear of being forgotten/abandoned/left alone. It's not so much a fear of being alone but rather the fear of the act of or transition period when such an occurrence takes place. I think.

Of course, none of these words are fact in my cases. My uncle simply lost track of time. He didn't forget me on purpose. My sister died. She didn't "leave me". And my best friend had to follow her family when they relocated. She didn't "leave me" either.

This fear is noticeably running my life today in new relationships. When my fear is activated, I turn onto autopilot and behave in ways that are destructive. While I understand the logic of the destructive behavior (to protect me from being abandoned by preventing/sabotaging my love relationships), it's also quite senseless. It turns out that this fear is activated when I realize that I love my partner. I push him away when I want him the most. It makes no sense yet this is the autopilot I've conjured up to "protect" myself.

Now that I understand this behavior, I release my fears to be dissolved in time and will continue to do so each time it pops up again. No longer will I be played like a puppet by my past. Today is the Now and I deserve all the love that God has created for me.

Consider how you might be a puppet to your past...
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December 4, 2008

Change: The nature and flow of life

Do you find it hard to move on from a relationship?
Does the idea of death scare you?
Do you dread having to switch jobs or careers even though you feel like it's time to move on?
Are you afraid to love again because you might get hurt?

Well, sometimes when life is changing around us, it can be hard to let go of things or people. While acknowledging that it can be difficult to adjust to life's changes, it is important to understand that this is the nature of life. Change is a constant. Everything in life is always changing. Sun rises, sun sets. Flowers bloom, flowers die. There are good days and there are bad days. Our bodies change every single day as we age. People enter and exit our lives like a revolving door. Emotions rise and fall. Everything is always changing.

Once this fact of life is fully accepted, you can release the fear of change. We may not necessarily know what is in store for us around the corner or in the next chapter of our life but we can be sure that it's more change and some more change after that. The key to life is to "roll with the punches". Do not resist change. Resistance is being attached to the past or being in denial of the present. In other words, clinging onto the past or pushing away the oncoming change. This resistance to the flow of life will ultimately create an unhappy situation for you -- one full of sadness, depression, anger, feeling torn or emotional state other than peace.

Allowing yourself to go with the flow of life (accepting and expecting change) will help you achieve a balanced state of being -- a life where the ups and downs are like smooth rolling hills rather than a steep roller coaster ride.

When a life situation makes you feel happy, enjoy it fully and be in the moment. Do not wish it could stay like this forever because when the life situation changes (which it will) you will be left very unhappy. Accept that like everything else, this too will pass. When a life situation is bad, do not wish to run away from it or ignore it. Know that like everything else, this too will pass. By resisting, you will only create unnecessary emotional pain for yourself. Try to remind yourself that whatever situation you are in, soon will pass. Don't cling or push away. Accept life as it comes your way. Stay balanced.

Practice makes perfect.
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December 2, 2008

Being Grateful

One of the best ways to ensure good energy flow in your life is to count the number of things you are grateful for. In the mornings right after I wake up, I start listing things in my head that I am so grateful for, such as (a) my family, (b) my health, (c) my pet, (d) the loving friends in my life, (e) the sunshine outside my window, (f) all the good food I get to eat during this holiday season. =)

Definitely have fun with your list!

The whole point of this practice is to get you to smile, be happy and stay positive. A good outlook and energy in the morning will pave the way for a great day ahead. It is this redirecting of your focus on the good stuff that will attract more good energy, perhaps a better job, supportive people and an abundance of money into your life. Remember the law of attraction (see previous blogs).

As we move throughout the day, we may find ourselves in bad or tough situation. Your task then is to try and find a positive spin on it. What is the lesson for you to learn in this situation? Be grateful for that lesson. If you can't figure out the lesson, go back to listing all the things you are grateful for in your life. Count your blessings. Stay positive and excercise compassion with others (and yourself). Don't let the external situation sway your inner peace.

It is a continous practice throughout the day -- similar to meditation. When you notice you might be slipping into negativity, come back. List all the things that make you happy or anything that you are grateful for like people who make you laugh, the parking spot you snagged this morning, the kind gentleman that held the door open for you...

Practice makes perfect.
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November 28, 2008

Ego Play during Holidays

Thanksgiving and the holiday season usually means big family gatherings. It's a time to appreciate one another and be thankful for the ones we love. But for some of us, as much we love family, there may be some quirks and things that we do not enjoy about our relatives.

This was true in my case. While I enjoyed my Thanksgiving Day, I found myself talking about the negative traits of my relatives after they had all gone. Although I see the beautiful loving and perfect side to them, I still made an effort to bring the focus on their faults. Honestly, underneath it all, it felt good to highlight their faults on some level (because it made me look like the only normal family member) but it also felt bad to talk about them like that at the same time. What I didn't understand last night was that I strengthen my ego when I focus on other people's faults.

I ended up falsely identifying them with their faults when that is not who they really are inside. It's a bit of judgement and a lot of ego to focus on other people's faults. Instead of embracing only love, I was embracing my ego by pointing the finger at other people. This practice or activating of the ego only invites other people's egos to come into play. The next thing you know, our lives are run by the egoic mind (need to be right/look good and need to win) rather than the natural Love that flows through us.

When ego is at play, all types of emotions can arise such as hurt, anger, jealousy, insecurity, and pride. In order to avoid these useless emotions that would only drain our energy and focus us away from who we all really are and our purpose in life, we must remember to observe, speak and act out of love.

As we move towards Christmas and also in the new year, I intend to embrace only love and see all the people around me for the Being that they are -- God created, perfect, loving and lovable people. I invite you to do the same.

No matter what situations occur or what the conversation is, I will (a) observe, (b) listen and (c) speak/act from unconditional love.

Practice makes perfect.
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November 22, 2008

Concrete examples of law of attraction

I wanted to expand on my earlier post about law of attraction and give some more concrete examples of how you attract what you put off.

Example 1 - Sales Person
In order to be a sucessful sales person, wether it's selling a product or selling yourself as an artist, you have to first be enrollable. This means, allow yourself to be sold on other products or services. When you are enrollable yourself, you can enroll others easily. Your energy attracts others with the same energy.

Example 2 - Fundraiser (or just someone who needs to acquire money)
In order to receive the funds that you want, you have to be a giver first. When your hand is open to give away money for charity, that hand is also in the receiving position. If your hand is closed tight because you are afraid to give away money, then your hand is a position where you cannot receive any money. The giving spirit or energy will attract other people who have similar energy that will want to provide for you.

Example 3 - Lover
In order to receive love in your life, you have to first love yourself and others. If you do not love yourself or hold hatred or anger for others, no loving person can ever be attracted to you. Only another hateful and angry person will walk into your life because you guys compliment each other. So learn to love yourself and show love to everyone in your life (including your pets) and see the beautiful love that you deserve flow into your life.

Remember that positive energy attracts positive energy and that negative energy attracts negative energy. In other words, BE that which you want in your life.
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November 20, 2008

We as Creators...

Many of you may have seen the movie "The Secret" or read the book by now. But for those of you who haven't yet, The Secret talks about law of attraction and how we have the power to attract or create our dreams into reality. This is true. We have the ability to attract only positive life situations and love into our lives. We can do this with our thoughts and our spoken words. Think about it...

When you tell yourself that you cannot do something, you are usually right which allows you to say "See, I knew I couldn't do it" --- that's if you attempt it at all. As human beings, we always want to prove ourselves right so whatever we say out loud or even to ourselves internally, we work to prove that statement to be correct. In other words, what you say - will be so.

Now, when you tell yourself that you CAN do it (whatever "it" may be), you most likely always
accomplish the task. If you set your mind to a goal and consistently reinforce it with positive thinking, you will reach that goal. The key here is to consistently maintain positive thinking.

For example, if you say that you want the perfect man in your life but deep down you believe that all men are dogs, that contradiction in yourself will not allow your perfect man to enter your life. The negative thought overrides the asking for something positive. The negative thought will attract more negative, leaving you single.

Take notice of what is happening in your life right now. Some of you may find negative aspects to your life and do not feel very happy. The first step to changing this around is to try and understand how your thoughts might have created these negative situtations. Find out what contradictory/negative statements you are making up in your head and change it by putting a positive spin on it. This is the power you have.

Think of this world/life as energy and science for a minute. When you are miserable and put off negative vibes, you will only attract other miserable or negative people. This way, both of you can prove each other right and get to say "See, I am right, life sucks". But if you are putting off a positive vibration, you can ONLY attract other positive vibration. This is the law of atraction.

Regain control of your life by monitoring your thoughts and spoken words. We tend to point the finger and blame others for our misery and unhapiness but the solution is to look INTO ourselves in order to change what is happening on the outside.

Speak with love and watch it come into your life three-fold.
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November 18, 2008

Recognizing and getting over the ego

The biggest hurdle in life is our own egoic mind.

Our egos have a need to always be right -- even when we are wrong. Sometimes our ego wants us to believe that we are better than others and creates an insatiable desire for material things, money, and power (title/position). At all times, the ego would like us to believe that we are someone other than who we really are. This false identity is never better than our actual Being and can make us very miserable.

When the ego is in charge of the mind, it is very difficult for one to be in a loving space because there is judgement involved. Note that this judgement is not a true reflection of the person being judged but rather a reflection of the state of mind of the person making the judgment. When the ego is allowed to run ones life, this leaves no room for love. Only temporary happiness can result from such ego-based decisions.

In order to get over this hurdle, one must first recognize the ego for what it is and become aware of it as it starts to creep in to the mind. The key is to be quick and catch it before it makes a rash decision for you. This takes practice as with anything else.

Have you ever felt like you are on auto pilot sometimes when reacting to certain life situations, only to end up regretting it later on? Then the choice to react that way was most likely made by your ego and not love. Practice catching yourself when you get angry, sad, or jealous. When you do this, you get a chance to CHOOSE to let go of the ego (or that emotion) and CHOOSE to react to the situation at hand with love. This "catching of the ego" provides a brief window for your Self (the real you who only knows love) to come through and shuts down the auto pilot mode.

When a decision is based in love, the only result can be love.
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