December 16, 2008

Being a Puppet to the Past

I was 3 yrs old in Rangoon, Burma. I attended a small preschool which was above an auto body shop. One day, class was dismissed and all the children were picked up by their parents except for me. The teacher finished up her work soon after all the other kids left and started to pack up to leave. A cleaning lady came in to sweep up after us. The teacher left me after reassuring me that she's sure someone will be here to pick me up soon. I waited at the top of the staircase listening to the noise from the auto body shop downstairs, periodically looking back at the cleaning lady to make sure she was still there. The auto body shop below seemed like a different universe and I felt so alone in my world. Finally the cleaning lady finished and packed up her stuff to go. I started crying at the top of the stairs. Right then, my uncle came running up the stairs two steps at a time -- swept me up by the legs and ran down just as quickly. Dumped me into the basket of his bicycle and off we went.

When I was 4 yrs old, my sister, who was one yr older then me, was taken to the hospital in the middle of the night where she passed away. All I remember was waking up in the middle of the night and she was missing from the bed never to return to me.

I came to this country at the age of 5 and was entered into 1st grade immediately. By the 3rd grade, I made myself a best friend named Margaret Orlinksi. We were inseparable. At the end of the school year, she moved away to upstate NY and I never saw her again. Her father had to relocate for a new job. I didn't understand it.

Each of these turns of events along with subsequent ones like the passing of my loving boyfriend 3 yrs ago embedded in me a fear of being forgotten/abandoned/left alone. It's not so much a fear of being alone but rather the fear of the act of or transition period when such an occurrence takes place. I think.

Of course, none of these words are fact in my cases. My uncle simply lost track of time. He didn't forget me on purpose. My sister died. She didn't "leave me". And my best friend had to follow her family when they relocated. She didn't "leave me" either.

This fear is noticeably running my life today in new relationships. When my fear is activated, I turn onto autopilot and behave in ways that are destructive. While I understand the logic of the destructive behavior (to protect me from being abandoned by preventing/sabotaging my love relationships), it's also quite senseless. It turns out that this fear is activated when I realize that I love my partner. I push him away when I want him the most. It makes no sense yet this is the autopilot I've conjured up to "protect" myself.

Now that I understand this behavior, I release my fears to be dissolved in time and will continue to do so each time it pops up again. No longer will I be played like a puppet by my past. Today is the Now and I deserve all the love that God has created for me.

Consider how you might be a puppet to your past...
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December 4, 2008

Change: The nature and flow of life

Do you find it hard to move on from a relationship?
Does the idea of death scare you?
Do you dread having to switch jobs or careers even though you feel like it's time to move on?
Are you afraid to love again because you might get hurt?

Well, sometimes when life is changing around us, it can be hard to let go of things or people. While acknowledging that it can be difficult to adjust to life's changes, it is important to understand that this is the nature of life. Change is a constant. Everything in life is always changing. Sun rises, sun sets. Flowers bloom, flowers die. There are good days and there are bad days. Our bodies change every single day as we age. People enter and exit our lives like a revolving door. Emotions rise and fall. Everything is always changing.

Once this fact of life is fully accepted, you can release the fear of change. We may not necessarily know what is in store for us around the corner or in the next chapter of our life but we can be sure that it's more change and some more change after that. The key to life is to "roll with the punches". Do not resist change. Resistance is being attached to the past or being in denial of the present. In other words, clinging onto the past or pushing away the oncoming change. This resistance to the flow of life will ultimately create an unhappy situation for you -- one full of sadness, depression, anger, feeling torn or emotional state other than peace.

Allowing yourself to go with the flow of life (accepting and expecting change) will help you achieve a balanced state of being -- a life where the ups and downs are like smooth rolling hills rather than a steep roller coaster ride.

When a life situation makes you feel happy, enjoy it fully and be in the moment. Do not wish it could stay like this forever because when the life situation changes (which it will) you will be left very unhappy. Accept that like everything else, this too will pass. When a life situation is bad, do not wish to run away from it or ignore it. Know that like everything else, this too will pass. By resisting, you will only create unnecessary emotional pain for yourself. Try to remind yourself that whatever situation you are in, soon will pass. Don't cling or push away. Accept life as it comes your way. Stay balanced.

Practice makes perfect.
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December 2, 2008

Being Grateful

One of the best ways to ensure good energy flow in your life is to count the number of things you are grateful for. In the mornings right after I wake up, I start listing things in my head that I am so grateful for, such as (a) my family, (b) my health, (c) my pet, (d) the loving friends in my life, (e) the sunshine outside my window, (f) all the good food I get to eat during this holiday season. =)

Definitely have fun with your list!

The whole point of this practice is to get you to smile, be happy and stay positive. A good outlook and energy in the morning will pave the way for a great day ahead. It is this redirecting of your focus on the good stuff that will attract more good energy, perhaps a better job, supportive people and an abundance of money into your life. Remember the law of attraction (see previous blogs).

As we move throughout the day, we may find ourselves in bad or tough situation. Your task then is to try and find a positive spin on it. What is the lesson for you to learn in this situation? Be grateful for that lesson. If you can't figure out the lesson, go back to listing all the things you are grateful for in your life. Count your blessings. Stay positive and excercise compassion with others (and yourself). Don't let the external situation sway your inner peace.

It is a continous practice throughout the day -- similar to meditation. When you notice you might be slipping into negativity, come back. List all the things that make you happy or anything that you are grateful for like people who make you laugh, the parking spot you snagged this morning, the kind gentleman that held the door open for you...

Practice makes perfect.
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